Getting There

Life is full of twists and turns, ups and downs, overs and unders.

Life is full of unwarranted surprises and expected plot twists.

Life is full of people like you.

As sweet as dark chocolate

As temporary as a bird you call to your side.

As painful as a sprained ankle

Life is full of people like you,

The one who stops me from ever getting there.

When I was young, I thought the worst thing was to lose a person through death’s kiss.

I figured this when my grandmother died.

It was one of those expected plot twists you know?

I knew when she gave me that lullaby doll that it was her way of saying goodbye to a child.

When my grandfather died right before my very eyes,

I knew this was one of the worst things I would ever experience.

I said during his funeral “The thing I would miss most about him is that he always took measure of my height and compared it to his.”

When I was young, I thought the worst thing was to lose a person through death’s longing embrace.

I was wrong.

Now, I know that the worst thing is to lose a person to the past

And just remember them as they were,

And never who they are.

 

See. This was you who taught me this.

This was you.

I only remember you as you were.

Someone as clingy and as paranoid as me,

Someone who hated what I liked and liked what I hate.

Someone who could make me laugh as easy as it was to breathe.

Someone who…

Someone who I knew loved me.

 

Now here I am, in the present.

Only remembering remnants of the past while waiting for a phone call that will never exist.

Waiting for a text that will never light up my phone.

Waiting for that message saying, “hello”.

For you have left me,

Stuck in the quicksand of my past,

With not even a branch to save myself in sight

 

But hey, look at me now.

Still stuck in the past, but not to it’s quicksand

But to its majestic waves

Not as engulfing, but its pull just as strong.

The waves pull me back from time to time,

And it stops me from moving forward.

But waves don’t last long.

They pull you back, yes, but they don’t hold you back.

As long as I keep running from my waves I will be better.

But for now, I am a baby learning to walk.

I will walk away from the waves.

And for sure,

Slowly, but surely, I will be there.

Because I am just about ready to get there.