Trigger Warning
Anxiety, Panic Attacks
please forgive me
since all i can manage right now
are
“i’ll be fine”
and
“i’m trying”
it’s hard to explain myself;
my throat insists
on constricting
hesitation persists
and the words run dry
don’t even reach my lips
they told me these were panic attacks
but i guess they didn’t really say
it’s your own mind commanding this assault
and your body has no choice
but to follow suit
the adrenaline tells you to run
and
the fear shackles you down
and
and
and
i wish i could just remain
comfortably numb
but my heart pounds
and pounds
and pounds
in double time
and my lungs
inhale
exhale
over
and
over
and
over
struggling to keep pace
with my own racing mind
(sometimes i wonder,
can one can asphyxiate
from the weight of one’s thoughts?)
i am barely staying afloat
in an ocean of my own anxiety –
thoughts i thought were formless
now hitched like rusty anchors round my feet –
but with each crashing wave, i fight
to keep my head above water
for i am my own buoy, my own lifeline
so please forgive me
since all i can manage right now
are
“i’ll be fine”
and
“i’m trying”
(and i promise you, i am.)
I've been struggling, in the constant cycle of denying & living with my mental illness And art has always paved way for self-care, and somehow, healing I truly believe i
only when you stay awake late enough can you hear the sound of daybreak, a town slowly coming alive as you wonder if you still are you count every breath you spend staring
Jan Alaba's digital illustration was inspired by this particular Alessia Cara song He has struggled with Dissociative Identity Disorder, diagnosed since 2014 and is still working